Suleimani Keeda: The must watch cannot find movie of the year.

Like any good movie this one too is a journey.

The journey details the paths taken by the film's three primary characters, Dulal, Ruma and Mainak. Dulal and Mainak are a writing duo hoping to make it big in bollywood. Ruma is a Mumbai girl hovering on the brink of self discovery. Through her photography she believes she has found herself and is looking to explore her depths. Their paths cross in a series of interesting coincidence that never seem forced or cliched. In fact this movie tries really hard to avoid any cliches. Certainly you can break it down into tropes if you so wish, but the tropes do not stand out. They do not at any moment overpower the script. Instead the script, their journey, flows seamlessly. Meandering this way and that. Like a gentle yet deep river. A river edging it's way not to a climatic waterfall, but the serene ocean. Providing the viewers with a thoroughly satisfying experience.


One of the many factors that work in favor of the film is it's accurate portrayal of a lifestyle many people are curious about, yet can rarely find on screen. The lifestyle of a writer, particularly one entrenched in the daily warland that is Mumbai and Bollywood. It plunges the viewer headfirst into this perspective and never drags it's feet. The dialogues shine through the clever writing. Personally I found the fact that everyone in Bombay has some nugget of knowledge/wisdom to impart particularly hilarious. The budding romance between Ruma and Dulal was also presented beautifully. Not for a moment does the movie get overbearing in it's aspects. The beautiful score blended wonderfully with the atmosphere, allowing me to enjoy every second of the film.

According to me...this is the one. The one film to change it all. All those of us who decry the frailties of Indian cinema, who bemoan the thousand splendid imperfections that shine bright in eastman color, this is the one you have been waiting for. It has humor in spades, it has clever writing from start to finish. It has a bunch of hugely talented actors at their natural best on screen. It has great music and some great shots of Mumbai. Such a shame you wont get to see it. Isnt it? The best Hindi movie of 2014 has come and is about to now go. It will slip past you before you can even blink. It's not anyone's fault this, it is after all a low budget movie. This is low key indie(nearly) cinema at it's finest and unlike the kinda of indie cinema that makes news ie: Serious artsy shit that can get us depressed, this one deals exclusively in humor. In a sense it is the opposite of artsy cinema. This movie tries it's damnedest to cheer you up despite telling you that life does not always have happy endings.

Not a happy ending.

So it is no surprise that you will be hard pressed to find a show time near you. Available exclusively in the metros and on limited show times. If you happen to live in one of the smaller cities in the country just forget about it right now. Which is kinda sad because I think a small town audience would really enjoy this movie. It is also kinda sad that the movie has garnered such low attention from mainstream media, one would think that the highly talented folks in the media would manage to keep an eye out for such a gem. If you are out there reading this review, I urge you find a show time, catch it in the theatres. There hasn’t been a movie this good out in a long while(Khosla ka Ghosla), and considering how under the radar it is...I think we will have a long wait before the next one comes along.

10/10

More about the movie: https://www.facebook.com/sulemanikeeda.official

Uberconspirational

Something strange is going on with the Government. Despite the recent air of sincerity and the promises of reason. Their steps recently taken run completely contrary. The banning of Uber, Ola on the flimsy premise that the apps have not been registered stinks. On the surface it seems like a knee jerk reaction, almost as if the Government panicked and took the step of banning the app based cab companies fearing the public fallout of yet another rape in the capital. After all it was BJP who had tactfully delayed the elections until now, ensuring weak governance in the capital under the Lt. Governer. This delaying tactic made sense from an electoral point of view but it compromised any possibility of proactive action by the administration in our capital to deal with crucial issues like public safety. After all our capital and the country at large have a massive rape epidemic raging through.

However, is it truly a knee jerk reaction? By our government’s usual standards this was an unusually speedy measure, not to mention harsh. Almost as it the decision was waiting in the wings. Could it be the Government was already mulling some sort of action on Uber and Ola? They were certainly not on great terms with Uber. Considering the recent spar between the RBI and Uber. Of course Uber smoothed things out with a timely partnership with Paytm. Avoiding any serious penalties(like a ban!). Could it be then, that this decision was all set up and ready to roll out? Of course if this decision was not as knee jerk as every one believes. If this was indeed already in the making. Then one has to wonder why? Why would this government, a government that has openly declared India open for international businesses, a government that has promised to support emerging sectors and is clearly trying to woo foreign investors suddenly turn hostile towards a well placed international firm?

Consider for a moment who had the most to lose with the emergence of Uber and Ola or who would gain the most if they were suddenly, taken out of the game, so to speak. These cabs companies had changed the game. Taking a massive slice of the pie away from established radio cab operators.  With their slashed rates and innovative business model and lack of infrastructure, these new upstarts came in fast and hard. They were ushering in a new era, being far more mobile then the larger radio cab operators, allowing for their quick expansion. These new companies were literally on the verge of making radio cab operators obsolete. Would it be too far a stretch then to imagine some of the established players of the game, players who have clearly been around long enough to develop a range of contacts within the governing structure(ruling and opposition), to have influenced this strange decision.

I do not see it as a far stretch. Despite our Prime Minister earnest pleas for faith, the BJP is not a party known for keeping the faith of the people. Nor are they a shining beacon of honesty and anti corruption. The party has been rocked by it's fair share of scandals in the past. A well placed bribe here and there would not even register on the scale of the corruption BJP has already committed. The decision makes absolutely no sense otherwise. The official reason given is pure hogwash. The government’s own app based auto facilitation service Pooch O is just as much unregistered as Uber or Ola. The driver had a valid license and a forged character certificate with him, certainly one can argue that Uber should have carried out a more stringent background check. Yet to ban them for this oversight is far from rational. Any progressive thinking government looking to make real change would have taken this opportunity to do some inward thinking. Work out the clear and present bugs in the system. It is not too hard to reflect a person's offences on their license. Not impossible to grant Uber time to fix the lapses in their hiring procedures. It is not irrational to hope that such serial predators can be tracked by a modernized and independent police force. That our masters that be have made the decision they have is telling of how progressive this government truly is.

It is easy to mask a person. Simple to cloak an object. It is much harder, to mask an ideology. To hide a rot that runs to the core of the system. Nearly impossible to mask one's true nature. We stand ready now to welcome a new year. Elections are coming to Delhi again. 2015 is nearly here and the future looks kinda dystopian with the talk of night vision drones in the air. All this might just be my imagination, there is no proof on this of course. Nor do I think there will ever be, but I am keeping a cautious eye out now. Things are afoot in our nation that have encouraged the conspirationalist inside me. Entire swathes of Tribal peoples suddenly being branded Naxals, massive forests suddenly being ear marked as prime industrial land, companies being banned out of the blue. I dont know, maybe you ought to keep an eye out too.  Our glorious leader has promised us the Moon, let us be careful his coterie does not steal the Earth from under us.

The miracle pill

My fellow morally and ideologically bankrupt Indians. How it do? You seemed to be in a smug mood lately so I figured it was time to get some ground rules back into play. Lately the newsfeeds have been waxing lots of big words. Fascist, Anarchist, Vigilante. Surprisingly all of them apply to the same person/same party. The social networks are abuzz with jokes and jibes, I see nails being slammed into metaphorical coffins. Some going so far as to declare the AAP effect over and done with. While others hail this as a great victory for the one true savior of India, Master Modi.

A little premature innit? But what brought on this cascade of hate where only fifteen days back everyone was patting themselves on the back for a job well done in supporting their favourite party (online only mind you, nobody's got the time to get into the nitty gritty). It was this.



The simple fact which you can take away from that video is a Delhi cop refusing to obey a Minister of Law for Delhi and offering no explanation for doing so. The only thing the cop keeps on parroting is that "YOU ARE OBSTRUCTING POLICE" that's it. No hows, no whys, just a standard neutral statement to keep himself in the clear. However this fact got buried under layers upon layers of angst. Now most people got ticked off by the tone Somnath Bharti takes in this video. I say most people because I include myself in this category. I also found the racist undertones in this whole operation to be quite alarming. If there were Caucasians (gora log) living in that area and not people of African origin (habshi log) I doubt the residents would have been complaining.

But here's the thing. If you want to know why he was taking that tone, take a good long look in the mirror. The reason he was there was because there had been repeated complaints by the residents of the colony (written FIRs and the whole dance). The reason he was taking that tone was because decent honest middle class folks expected him to. Know of a relative who comments innocently on how punjabis have no class? Know an Uncle who hates Sindhis unreasonably. Remember the time you teased the south indian kid by calling him "Tambi" "Tambi"?  Yeah, that's us. Racism and discrimination is in our blood. How many of us can sit down and share some food with our resident safaiiwala? Be honest to yourself. You dont have to answer to me. You have to answer to yourself. Why not try it tomorrow. Just sit down with your Safaiiwala and share a cup of tea with him/her.

If you can.

Wanna bet at how many of us cannot. That is how strong our discriminatory programming is. So why are we suddenly so surprised when someone who is exactly like us acts like an asshole on camera? If Somnath Bharti and all members of AAP are exactly like us then why would they not share our own inherent failings?. Everyone in that residential colony called the people living there "Habshi". Do you know what that word means? At its most polite it means "Barbarian". That is rich coming from a country that devours its own minorities on a periodic basis. We conveniently forget about the vile shadow that lurks within our own souls while flinging blame on others. We have killed hundreds of men, women and children in a matter of days when it suits the mood of the nation. We are a nation of bigots and naysayers. We revel in our bigotry, believing it makes us better than the average human being. As a nation our track record is impressively disastrous. We have gone from bad to worse to horrendous over the decades the Congress/BJP combine has ruled. Unfortunately it would seem some of us have really really short memories.

So to all of you on the Social Media circuit going apeshit over this recent turn of events. Allow me a moment to review our political options. It is surprising for me to still find people telling me how BJP is the only solution to our problems. Because I still remember very clearly when BJP's greatest achievement was this.



That is BJP, yes the same BJP Master Modi is a member of, going to great lengths to reduce an ancient mosque to rubble. Truly that Masjid was India's greatest enemy at the time. An act that led BJP to claim undisputed victory over pieces of masonry, stone and cement. Now Im not much on fights, but I do know that buildings dont tend to fight back.  So that wasnt really much of a fight now was it. Of but I know who fights back...its terrorists...those violent scum. Always up to no good with their terroristyness. Surely our BJP would pound them into the ground the same way they pounded the Masjid into the ground. Oh wait no. That didnt work out so well after all. A hijacking later our BJP government folded like a house of cards and served up public enemies who were on death row. BJP the uber nationalistic party that promised us a safer nation, that promised a strong India that will not bend or break crumpled in the very first crisis it faced. Effectively the party has a horrible track record against anything that is not


a) An unarmed civilian
b) A building.


I deliberately brought up Babri and not Godhra. People have tried so hard to cover that shit up that even bringing up the Gujrat riots sends every single BJP holy warrior in a religious frenzy. They start frothing at the mouth and spewing forth links of shady articles supporting Modi and his non involvement in the matter. You can hear them all around you. Hailing the great governance in the state of Gujrat. Praising the modernistic ideals of their mighty leader. Never mind the fact that no Chief Minister who is incompetent to the degree of being unable to handle a few hundred rioters (If his story is to be believed) deserves to be made the Prime Minister of a nation. Never mind the fact that BJP is, was and always will be an RSS front. Never mind that a party that is unable to make its own decisions in no way deserves to come into power. BJP still seems to be a valid option to vast section of the intelligent Indian segment.

Which brings us to the other half of the equation. The Yin to BJPs Yang. The great Indian Congress Party. I say great because surely no other party could have managed to stay in power despite orchestrating a near genocidal rampage on a community in their own country. The Sikhs were butchered down because one of the Sikhs killed a Congress Prime Minister. Not only did they manage to stay in power, but hell they haven’t even found anyone to blame for that yet. This is the party that is still in power today. This is the party we would trust to run our country decade after decade till they have become so fat with the riches they have engorged on that they are unable to even lie properly.

So how did things get so bad? How could we the hyper sensitive people who are so politically aware let these monsters come back again and again into power? The simple answer is because we let them. The blame solely lies with us. They didnt just waltz into power. We brought them into power. Time and time again. We, the common man. People like you and me. Out of this discord of democracy comes AAP. A newly formed party based not on principals of religion or principals of votebank politics. But founded on the principals of change. But noooo. We dont want the change. We dont want to change. We just want things fixed and things cant be fixed we want us to not be bothered by them. Our silent minds whine over and over again...

"Just let me do my job, let me work my office, let me travel in the metro in peace. I dont give a shit how much money you steal, I dont care if the police are corrupt. Ill just pay my bribe and be on my merry way. Noooo, dont try to change things. Dont be a retard man, be practical. This is how it is, this is how it must be."

We want a miracle pill that we can take and just wish our worries away. The problem is not Somnath Bharti, the problem is not AAP...hell the problem is not even the BJP/Congress combine? The problem is You. Yes, you. You incompetent, helpless, ignorant, educated milksop. You delicate flower who cant deal with a bloody traffic jam but would be happy with someone slowly leeching away the very lifeblood from your veins if they only did it discreetly. You hypocritical coward who would rather sit on facebook and moan and groan about how the AAP are racist goons and thugs rather than do something about it. Of course they are racist thugs. Everyone in India is a damned racist thug. Everyone of us was brought up on the idea of racism and discrimination and getting your own way. They are ignorant, they are discriminatory because they are the common man. Maybe in your bubble universe India is the perfect face of liberalism but there is an India beyond facebook. A cruel and harsh India where the poor are crushed under the heels of the rich. An India of poverty, starvation and ignorance. That is the India we must fight for, not your bloated rose tinted branded version of India.

Next time you feel the urge to put your ass where your mouth ought to be take a minute to reflect on what you are about to say. If you think you can do a better job than AAP then why dont you join them? What you cannot spare the 10 rupees fees? Or is it because Politics is too hard for your spoilt comfortable lifestyle. Maybe its because you know you wont hack it when it comes down to something real. Maybe its because you know that anyone can talk the talk, but walking the walk is an entirely different matter. Maybe its because you know you cant do it.

The quintessential excuse enjoyed by every Indian for avoiding politics like the plague no longer holds true. AAP is not a party that discriminates among its memebers based on how much cash you can contribute to the election fund. If you feel so strongly about their actions. Join them. Change them. Now is the only time to do so. Tell them what they are doing wrong. Because otherwise all you are doing is making empty noises. Or maybe that is exactly what you want. Maybe despite your assurances to the contrary, secretly you do not want India to ever change. Secretly, you are now more scared than ever of what is to come.  There is no miracle pill. There is no easy way.

There is only a choice. Either change, or be happy with the way things are.

Either way, stop talking, start doing.